It’s not often that ‘Lymington’ and ‘dangerous occupation’ are mentioned in the same sentence. In fact I can’t recall a single such instance. I suppose being the lollipop person on Avenue Road outside the school might count, the interface of children and traffic is always going to be a tad tricky.

But today I came across someone for whom that could be an apt description. Well technically Wife came across them, but anyway. Those with long-ish memories who live in the area may recall that the new Lymington hospital was originally built with a number of ‘green’ aims, possibly highest among them to reduce car usage. The thinking went something like this. If we have 200 parking places for a hospital with staff of 400 and a 4500 projected annual patients then we will be helping to save the planet. And in a remarkable ‘let them eat cake’ moment of clarity, concluded that the local bus service could take the strain and an old single platform station just behind the Somerfields garage could be re-opened to bring patients by train. How glorious to be blessed by such forward-thinking public servants.

Now I don’t know if you can spot any potential holes in the thinking, but here’s one to start off with. The station didn’t re-open. And for some reason sick people, even out-patients find buses a little tricky. So we have the log-jam which is the hospital car-park and return to the previously mentioned hazardous occupation. Viz parking attendant at Lymington Hospital. Wife came out after her blood test to hear an elderly chap berating the parking attendant for the staff cars parked in the disabled spaces. Two things you need for a proper hospital are staff and people who may have limited mobility so bit of a problem really if they need to fill the same space. As Wife left she saw another irate person joining in, and I dare say had she stayed long enough there may have been a pack circling.

Obviously something has to be done.  Our not infrequent visits to see the MiL during her confinements in the hospital have resulted in nil disabled spaces which in turn leads to  a certain amount of circling the Ampress one-way system looking for parking after dropping Wife off. And this is where the whole ‘green’ thing goes wonky. People can’t get to the hospital other than be car, can’t park when they get there, so add considerably to the carbon emissions driving around trying to find a parking space. Fortunately there will be additional staff parking spaces at some point as the planning permission appears to have been granted. You may detect something short of a definitive in the last sentence. Well that’s largely because in my thorough on-line research into this, I came across many, oh so many, pdf files attributed to New Forest District Council committees which I had erroneously assumed were in English. I recognised the bit in the snappily titled CDR04623.pdf which said “Decision: Planning Consent” which I assume means that they decided to give planning consent. Tricky bit after that was entitled “Conditions:” which went thus;

Prior to commencement of works (including site clearance and any other preparatory works) the scheme for the protection of trees in accordance with the submitted Barrell Tree Consultancy Arboricultural Impact Appraisal and Method Statement ref 8352-AIA-AS and plan ref 8352-BT1 dated 30 September 2008 shall be implemented and at least  working days notice shall be given to the Local Planning Authority that it has been erected.

To be perfectly honest I wasn’t sure whether the condition in question was something to be met prior to starting the project or mention of a heretofore only suspected ailment to be known as Bureaucratic Tourettes Syndrome. However I am forced to the conclusion that the parking attendant shouldn’t be breaking open the bubbly quite yet.

During a somewhat changeable day weather-wise yesterday, it became clear that there was to be no flooding in Lymington. At one point in the afternoon there was the most impressive rainbow over the town, at least as viewed from the car park behind M&S, and everyone knows that means there will be no flooding, right?

Of course the recently (nearly) completed flood defences along the Lymington river may also have some say in the matter, but only when they finish said defences by placing a (presumably moveable) gate across the road at Bridge Road. At present we are safe from flooding as long as the water doesn’t get sneaky and go along the road and thereby bypass the impressive metal wall erected along the side of the railway. Trouble is you never know where you are with water, sometimes it’ll float your boat, other times it’ll bite you. Mixed-metaphorically speaking of course.

One thing I haven’t figured in this is quite where our new £30+ million hospital stands. I don’t mean it’s viewpoint on current affairs, I mean that since it appears it is built on the flood plain, bit of a clue in the name there, it seems to be outside the flood defences. Now I haven’t done a detailed topological study of the site, but the railway is embanked at the point nearest the hospital so it’s obviously out of harms way. According to the Environment Agency the hospital itself has been raised above the floodplain to a 1 in 1000 year level. So that’s OK. Unfortunately they don’t specify which year in the next 1000 we need to make sure we are not hospitalised.

So the thing to be wary about is what’s the weather forecast look like if you’re about to go into hospital in Lymington. The rainbow may not be enough.