To be more accurate it often reached the point of not opening, that point being the bottom left corner which stuck at times of great stress. Or just when it had been raining. Trouble is that if you shave just a little bit more off, it leaves just a little bit more of a gap to encourage the ingress of water. Which in turn leads to greater swelling of the wood. Which in turn leads to … oh fill it in yourself, I’m sure you get the gist!

So we had to make sure that we would not have a repetition and would finally close the chapter (and door) on any inclement weather joining us inside. The only other requirements were that it close when we shut it and open when we turned the handle. Not a lot to ask we thought. Our best option as we saw it was to contact our old friends at Capital Windows and see whether they could do us a door to meet our less than rigorous specifications.

We had accepted the concept that we would end up with a ‘plastic’ door, but since we already have ‘plastic’ windows, we told ourselves it wouldn’t be so bad. Pleasant surprise on visiting Capital Windows. Plastic doors have advanced somewhat and have morphed into something called the ‘composite’ door. I’ll be honest, I have no idea what a composite door is composed of, but the chaps at Capital were very excited about how good it is and offered a guarantee to match their excitement. So we opened some doors which led to, well actually they opened onto walls. Not very Narnia, but I suppose there’s only so many doors you can put in a wall before you don’t have any wall any more.

We tried the different display doors with different handles and catches, looked at the double glazed patterned windows and decided on the wood effect closest to the last wooden door we had. In due time the fitters turned up with new door, complete with all fastenings, door knocker and letterbox already attached. Removed old door and old door-frame, replaced them with new door and door-frame within one afternoon. Even took the etched and coloured glass out of the old door so we could store it in the garage ‘just in case’. And exited stage left.

Should have known better. Wife was resting at time of departure and so didn’t try key in lock. Regrettably only after she surfaced did we find that her Fibromyalgia had a different set of criteria for how much strength was required to render the door open-able. Of course this was early Friday evening by then so we had to wait until the next week to contact Capital. Unusually they had to make two trips to make sufficient adjustment to allow Wife the freedom to come and go as she pleased, but to their credit they stuck with it and all seems to be well now.

There’s a small part of my mind that is expecting this to not be the end of the saga, but it’s not based on anything other than paranoia on my side. Well paranoia and three less than weather proof doors at any rate.

Slight downside is that we only got about a month out of it before it got too cold to use as a breakfast room. It soaks the sun up beautifully in the morning, but regretfully there has not been an enormous amount of that around more recently. We are therefore faced with several alternatives given the current economic and eco-climate. Firstly we can just put more layers on and pretend it’s not November in Britain, but that requires a deeper reserve of denial than we can probably plumb. Secondly increase our contribution to that little bit of global warming that is Lymington, ignore financial constraints and run a heater sufficiently powerful enough to hold the cold at bay. Or not use it until it gets a tad warmer. Although the pull of the second option is strong, if I were a betting man, the last option would be what I put my money on.

That would also mean that we don’t get to see the hedgehog eat whatever it is he is finding on the lawn just before we retire for the night. It had become our refuge from the day and a perfect place to wind down before going to bed, and the hedgehog bumbling around outside the back of the sunroom was just an added bonus. I imagine that he, well they actually as there are two of them, will be seeking somewhere warm to see out the rest of the winter oblivious of the world around them. Ever get the feeling we have missed a trick as a species?

Well someone must have not been paying attention because the ball got dropped somewhere between us saying “Yes that’s definitely the door for us” in the door warehouse and the door being delivered to us. No actually the current episode started just before we chose the door so I must digress. Apparently it’s not so easy to get solid wood doors these days. You generally get solid wood door with a veneer on both sides which gives it a better finish. It may also enable not such good looking wood to be used as the meat in the sandwich, but since that would require removing the veneer I guess I’m never going to find out. After the last debacle of a door, we had decided we wanted a solid wood door, so we went with the deputy manager of the door warehouse to choose a solid wood door. Here’s a handy tip for you, deputy managers may not be able to tell a solid wood door from a veneered door, despite what you might expect, especially when the wood used is pretty much the same colour to the veneer. You live and learn.

pWhere was I? Oh yes, when the door was delivered, the builder mentioned there was a small problem with the glazing. What that small problem turned out to be was that you could see the black bits that you get on the edges of double-glazed units that are normally all hidden by the frames. This meant that either the glazing firm had messed up or the door warehouse had mistakenly said the doors were compatible with the units. At this point I could have cared less. All I had ever wanted was a front door which kept the outdoors outdoors and the indoors indoors. In my previous life in property maintenance I had learned there are two ways to make something disappear, you either hide it or make it look like it’s supposed to be there. I figured that I could probably do something clever to make the black edging look like a feature of the glazing so delivery was taken. The new new door is now fitted and the outside having been coated with three coats of quality exterior varnish, we await a wet southerly with baited breath.

Now I’m certainly not decrying DIY as I still enjoy the general maintenance tasks and find them a pleasant change from the intense concentration which is part of my regular job. One thing you do learn as a jobbing maintenance contractor is to use the right tool for the job. Fortunately these days there are an enormous selection of tools and DIY aids which make the job a whole lot easier and are only a click away on the Internet. Very handy as we don’t have any large DIY warehouses in the town, needing to go to Southampton or Christchurch.

So assuming you have the right DIY stuff, there is one other thing you need. Realism. You may wonder why it is I should mention that specifically. Well, over the weekend our church had a sort of conference thing which included a kick around on an all-weather pitch at lunchtime. With visions of my youthful turn of speed and ball control I sallied forth onto the field of conflict only to be sadly brought down to earth. One skinned knee later, my legs just about given out, I realised there are good reasons why professional footballers only have a short career, and why mine had never got started. Fortunately my weekly swimming kept me from complete muscle failure, but I fear that my playing days are pretty much over. Realistically though, I know that hope springs higher than I was able to do on the pitch and the chances are that the side effects will have sufficiently receded for my delusion to continue the next time the call goes out.

So as the sergeant on Hill Street Blues used to say, “Let’s be careful out there” and only start the DIY jobs you are likely to finish, not the ones which are (now) beyond you!

When I called roof guy today, he answered his mobile perched, not surprisingly, on a roof. Luckily he had a pencil and a plank of wood and took down my name and contact details whilst explaining he was a little stuffed at the moment, what with all the rain we have been having. I took it to mean he was behind in his work, and it occurred to me that apart from anything else, being a roofer must be a tad frustrating. Think about it, the very weather that brings you business opportunities also prevents you from fulfilling them. He had already done some work on our roofs although not the bit that was leaking, so we were confident of his work, and besides he had originally come with the recommendation of lawn guy. He’ll be around to take a look in a few days.

Hearing about sitting on roofs reminded me of when I was working as a decorator many moons ago. I don’t mind heights, but I hate ladders after two faulty ones gave way from under me on two separate occasions. Anyway I had been asked to paint some fascias and windows which were three stories up and had said I wouldn’t do it without scaffolding. Scaffolding was duly hired and at one point I got the home owner to ascend to the heights to show the extent of some rot as he was going to have to hire a carpenter. It was only as he froze at the top of the ladder going down he mentioned he was terrified of heights and wasn’t sure he could climb down. He was a nice guy, but I didn’t fancy spending the night up there with him so eventually I talked him down rung by rung. We agreed not to do that ever again.

We went round to the door suppliers to choose a new door to replace our replacement front door. Apparently most doors these days are made in Indonesia according to the assistant and are commonly faced with a thinnish veneer. This had become suspect as our door had started to part company with its veneer as well as letting in water through the panels. We were therefore keen to avoid this and get a solid wood door giving careful consideration to sustainability, etc. We were also quite keen to avoid the dinner plate sized spiders which the assistant claimed often came as optional extras with the doors. Having travelled that far with eight legs must mean the spiders leave a sizeable carbon footprint I guess. Should you hear of a plague of Wedgewood spiders in Lymington, you’ll know who to blame though.

Funny thing was that it only leaked whilst the wind was blowing the rain in a particular direction. Less funny was that the direction the wind was blowing from was south-westerly which just happens to be the prevailing wind in these parts. I’m told if it wasn’t for the mitigating effects of the Island, Lymington wouldn’t be anything like as calm and serene. Easy to believe actually, you only have to go down to Milford on Sea on a blowy winters day to understand what wind chill really means.

We still have to go choose a new door, we have been informed that reports in the joinery industry suggest we should not get a direct replacement as there has been an unreasonable failure rate from this manufacturer. So we won’t. We’ll have to find one that looks like it, but fulfills all the basic door-like functions like keeping the rain out. Pity, it was a nice door and on a dry day can still be a nice door. But quite frankly in Britain in winter the odds are stacked against it.