Milford on Sea Food Week runs from the Bank Holiday Monday 5^th April until Sunday 11^th April 2010 and now consists of 100 events. Not sure how that fits in to your regular week, but at least the bank holiday gives you a fighting chance of getting off to a flying start if you’re that type of person who can’t bear to miss anything.

I’m no expert in such things, but assuming you can get to even the majority of events, there’s a better than even chance of you putting on quite a bit of weight. Watch this space for the Milford on Sea Crash Diet Week details.

Joking aside (I think), you don’t have to be either wealthy or particularly epicurean to find something to do or experience. In the first instance there are a large number of special offers attached to the Week by local businesses, and secondly the breadth of culinary experience goes from the somewhat everyday to the decidedly exotic.

Speaking of the exotic, the Indian Elvis Night (www.indianelvis.com) on Tuesday threatens to be exactly that. If you know what Bhangra is then you’ll want to be there! If you don’t, it’s a percussive Punjabi style of music more recently mixed with Rock and Beats music influences. Check it out on iTunes or Amazon, it’s a seriously nice change from the somewhat formulaic western popular music.

Anyway I digress. Well not entirely. Come Sunday at the Food Market in the High Street you will be serenaded, if that’s the right description, by the remarkable Plonkers Agricultural Orchestra (www.theplonkers.com) who will regale you with ‘Proper Moosic from ‘Ampshur’. Hard to resist. Seriously.

For all details and the latest news go to www.milfordonseafoodweek.org

One of the side effects of having older generation family members such as the MiL pass away is that there tends to be quite a lot of clearing out to be done.

When she was still alive, like many older people, the MiL was convinced that she was storing up untold wealth for her descendants by putting by anything over a few years old. Any number of pre-decimal coins were stashed away in crannies ready for the day when they could be redeemed for a king’s ransom. Regrettably such coinage has pretty much no value. Don’t think we didn’t check.

A number of old books from her childhood were also expected to fetch a decent amount, and may well have done if she hadn’t used them so much when young. It’s a little hard to get a valuation on a book with no spine and little cover left. The only certain thing is that due to them all being from large runs from large publishing houses, no-one would be beating down our door with lottery-like fees grasped tightly in their fevered hands.

These things we knew. A cursory viewing of the Antiques Roadshow gives you a rudimentary understanding that ‘old’ doesn’t equate to loadsamoney. Especially when ‘old’ is a relative term. We did wonder whether some of the small trinkets might have some value, but due to both her infirmity and nature, the MiL could be a tad clumsy at times. We were reliably informed that, by and large, cracks and chips do not tend to enhance the value of object d’art. Oh well, not time to retire just yet then.

Which just left the furniture. It may not have escaped your notice that as in many things, there are fads and fashions in furniture. The MiL’s furniture is not in fashion right now. I kind of assume it was at some point, just not sure when. It was certainly the time when they tended to use various types of wood and stain them all exactly the same colour. Or as in one item, paint perfectly good beechwood chair with a faux walnut effect. This was confirmed by a couple of experts we consulted, and went a deal of the way to remove my confusion regarding that it seemed possible to wear walnut off the arms. Easy when you know the answer.

So via an alliance of friends, family dealers and auction houses we are pretty much cleared. Word of caution in case you aren’t aware, auctioneers may not realise even the lower estimated price they give to get your custom. They may in fact not be able to sell the item and since they don’t think they will try again, will require you to come and collect the item. At which point it’s a charity or the municipal dump at Everton. You have been warned.

Fortunately putting all the monies together just enabled sufficient funds to re-furnish the MiL’s old room with a few choice new items. Thank you John Lewis, next stop a day out at Ikea at West Quays. That should be fun.