So our new, new door has been delivered to the glaziers to have it’s double-glazed units installed, the exterior clear varnish has been purchased and it’s just a matter of waiting. Since in a former life I have hung a number of front doors, I did toy with the idea of hanging this one as well just to get it sorted. Probably just as well I kept my mouth shut. The cardinal rule of DIY is to make sure you know you can do what you are attempting, otherwise you risk having to bribe a friend or family member to apply to DIY SOS on your behalf just to get it done.

Now I’m certainly not decrying DIY as I still enjoy the general maintenance tasks and find them a pleasant change from the intense concentration which is part of my regular job. One thing you do learn as a jobbing maintenance contractor is to use the right tool for the job. Fortunately these days there are an enormous selection of tools and DIY aids which make the job a whole lot easier and are only a click away on the Internet. Very handy as we don’t have any large DIY warehouses in the town, needing to go to Southampton or Christchurch.

So assuming you have the right DIY stuff, there is one other thing you need. Realism. You may wonder why it is I should mention that specifically. Well, over the weekend our church had a sort of conference thing which included a kick around on an all-weather pitch at lunchtime. With visions of my youthful turn of speed and ball control I sallied forth onto the field of conflict only to be sadly brought down to earth. One skinned knee later, my legs just about given out, I realised there are good reasons why professional footballers only have a short career, and why mine had never got started. Fortunately my weekly swimming kept me from complete muscle failure, but I fear that my playing days are pretty much over. Realistically though, I know that hope springs higher than I was able to do on the pitch and the chances are that the side effects will have sufficiently receded for my delusion to continue the next time the call goes out.

So as the sergeant on Hill Street Blues used to say, “Let’s be careful out there” and only start the DIY jobs you are likely to finish, not the ones which are (now) beyond you!

With Christmas now a distant memory, and apart from the wife and MiL’s birthdays, January has precious little to commend it. Fortunately in the Mayflower Theatre in Southampton, we have a quality theatre within reach which always has a Christmas spectacular of some sort. This year is was the Wizard of Oz starring a bunch of people most folks would actually have heard of, Russ Abbot, Gregor Fisher, Gary Wilmot and Matthew Kelly. Since it wasn’t a panto, we didn’t pack our disputative declarations (oh yes we did, oh no we didn’t) and drove to Southampton.

Now the Mayflower I am given to believe, is the largest theatre in the south of England and seats 2300 persons at one go. To enter through the doors is like going back in time to something Poirot might have minced around in. To be frank, my knowledge of architecture is somewhat limited to the ‘blimey that’s big’ school of critical appraisal, but the Mayflower was originally built in 1928 and has been restored to what my untutored eye would accept is it’s original appearance. Whether ’tis accurate or not, I think it looks jolly good and importantly, the seats are comfortable enough. Personally I would prefer more armchair-sized seating, but it wouldn’t be the biggest theatre any more if they had less seating would it.

What they have done is install rather good lighting and sound for a ‘provincial’ theatre and I was pleasantly impressed by the tornado effect near the beginning of the show. It was obviously theatre, but wasn’t the sort of teeth-clenchingly awful effort with wobble-boards which one can be subjected to, using computer graphics and projection to good effect. Past shows we have been to have been technically acceptable, but this easily topped them. Makes me think that the touring shows they stage are worth a punt as the techy side of things are up to it. Aspects of Love and Cats are upcoming, but I for some reason I don’t feel drawn to either Basil Brush in the Caribbean or Disney’s High School Musical. It’s not that I am snobbish, oh all right, it probably is, but really it’s not my bag, man.

Anyway, it was a cracking night out Grommit, made all the better by the inclusion of one of my all time favourite movie lines “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore”. I find it a useful expression although more usually abbreviated to “This ain’t Kansas Toto”, and used when life throws you what the Americans call a curve-ball, more suitably known as a Googly in this sceptred isle.

Not a great surprise given that yesterday evening the weatherperson said last night would be a dark and stormy night. Not a verbatim quote you understand, but that was the gist of it. Incidentally, why dark and stormy? Most nights are dark, it’s what makes them night by and large. Still I suppose it scans better than ‘it was a night significantly darker than normal, and stormy to boot’. Actually I think I like that better.

So where was I? Oh yes, the trouble with having a bedroom in an attic extension is that you get to hear all the storminess of it pretty much at first hand, and I began to realise how people could be sent mad by the Mistral wind in Southern France, which consistently blows at 35mph for days on end. One night was quite enough thank you and the cat was none too impressed either.

Not sure it was a good thing or not, but it certainly made it clear that the roof in what we have given up and are now calling the sun room, was indeed leaking for the visit of the builder this morning. So as soon as it stops raining, say May probably, someone will be pulled off another job and armed with a couple of Acros will sally forth onto the plasticky stuff on the roof to make sure we never, ever get another drip through again. Well that’s my intention, I’m guessing any guarantee may not be quite so open ended.